comedy central jokes dirty

I said your money or your life. Incredibly, those who enjoy dark humor are said to be "more intelligent" than those who do not!!. Especially disasters, I don't really talk about natural or manmade disasters until years later. - Gary Delaney. Roasting jokes began over a century ago as a tradition started by the Friars Club, a group of press agents and their clients who would get together to eat, drink, and kid each other mercilessly. And I also know thatand this isnt about Aziz or about Jeff or about anyonebut I truly believe that I could be friends with a lot of monsters. People think I love making people feel awkward. Next week on The Last Laugh podcast: Comedian and star of Bobs Burgers and The Mysterious Benedict Society, Kristen Schaal. Because Im scared of intimacy. (Ross attempted to bail out the MTV reality star by showing off his own scotch-filled, ab-less belly, but it didnt quiet the jeers from the crowd. And I feel really confident about what I did and I worked my fucking ass off. King himself was the target of plenty of jabs. ", "If the presidency is the head of the American body politic, Congress is its gastrointestinal tract. Apply Bed Bath and Beyond coupon and save 25% off your entire purchase, Target Circle: up to 50% Off with Target promo code, With Asos Promo Code you take 70% OFF Select styles, Michael Kors promo code: sign up for KORSVIP + Get 10% off on First Order, 2023 Cond Nast. Then there was another joke that I loved so much. She said, At least you dont overestimate yourself., Andrea Barber, who played Kimmy Gibbler on Full House, wrote on Instagram on Sunday that Saget had the biggest heart in Hollywood. He may have also had the filthiest mouth. I mean, these are all things you say about skinny women. YOUR FAVORITE COMEDY CENTRAL SHOWS ARE ON PARAMOUNT+. Because I honestly see both sides of it and I never dont want to trust women. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. And he didnt really have much to say to me before the show. ], I cant watch him anymore. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. Jokes.com is Comedy Central's site, which means a lot of quotes from stand-up comedians. The companys strategy with the safe-for-work content OnlyFans is commissioning for OFTV is to drive fans to creators pages. YOUR FAVORITE COMEDY CENTRAL SHOWS ARE ON PARAMOUNT+. And that's not because of the comedy it's just because we've been taught that a lot of the stuff that is funny is no longer appropriate. But its a personal choice for me. I want one, but I can't decide what I want and I don't want to be stuck with one I'm just going to grow to hate and have to have surgically removed later." ), Trump was skewered by the group for three hours though Comedy Central will cut it down to about an hour when it airs on March 15. Taboo was his Tao. Its a tremendous amount of thought that goes into it. And for more laughs, don't miss the 40 Facts So Funny They're Hard to Believe. Last night was the Comedy Central Roast of Rob Lowe.Lowe wasn't an all-time great target, as he generally seems nice and has had a solid career, but it was a fantastic night for joke telling and . ", "I grew up with six brothers. It felt incongruous watching Saget, knowing twinkle in his eye, say the most disgusting things imaginable. Jokes.com is also the central hub for all COMEDY CENTRAL stand-up events, tours, shows and live comedy entertainment, and daily posts from comedycentral.com's Insider Blog give fans an inside look and up-to-second gossip and news on all things comedy. "I have a lot of growing up to do. Home; Comedians; Videos; Jokes; Magazine; . Christi Chiello discusses becoming an aunt and a cat mom, and explains why she loves not having children. Her first one-hour Comedy Central special "Desi Lydic: Abroad" premiered in May 2019. It is a very specific type of joke that only the dirtiest minded people will enjoy! The TV event kicked off with a roast of Drew Carey at the legendary New York . And I guess someone could say, like, Oh my god, she knew about the accusations that would come up! But I didnt and it was not from that place, it was just a coincidence. And the person that gives it is always like, 'You can take it back if you don't like it.' Oof! Comedian Nikki Glaser takes The Last Laugh podcast inside her three big Comedy Central roasts, from the truly evil Ann Coulter to uncomfortable truths about Jeff Ross. They're slated to shut down by the end of March. The U.K.-based company recently ordered a reality show fromBritish reality TV starsChloe, Demi and Frankie Sims after their exit from The Only Way Is Essexfor OFTV, also slated for a 2023 premiere. And its funny, at these roasts, I go first all the time. And you cant take roast jokes as facts. Black's stand-up albums include "In God We Rust" (2012), "Stark Raving Black" (2011), "The Carnegie Hall Performance" (2007) and "The White Album" (2000). And then afterwards, I cried at the after party. I don't know what it is. So the Rob Lowe roast was the night that I got to prove myself to Comedy Central. Married my girlfriend of seven years. No, you know, I was hoping that he would slide [into my DMs] or find a way to get in touch with me so that we could remain friends. And it will be very interesting to see how much of the blue material makes it air. Hightlights from around the web! "Well, if God drinks, do you think God gets stoned once in a while? And then he got up on stage and said I looked like Larry Bird and that I couldnt pass for 33, because he was number 33. Nancy Pelosi steps down as House Democratic leader, and former President Barack Obama discusses the 2022 midterms and the challenges facing democracy in the U.S. and throughout the world. The LOL Funny Jokes Club is dedicated to comedy. Maybe it frightened you, made the world feel like a more dangerous place. That poor molester.". He was the kind of man who would interrupt his own interview to ask his interviewer about his family. } You know what your boss was trying to say? But I knew eventually I would run into her again, so I took that time to get on rides she couldn't get on. I'll just throw it out.'. Cummings herself will be the first roastee for the uncensored series. But I already had that kind of spidey-sense of, like, this doesnt feel good. So the morning of the roast, they finally go, Listen, she heard that someone might be doing jokes about it and she said she would walk off the stage if that happened. And I was like, OK, then Ill pull them. The format proved so popular that eventually Comedy Central and the Friars . '", "I grew up in New York in a neighborhood called Washington Heights. Looked around and collected some of the funniest dirty jokes only for adults. var xhr = new XMLHttpRequest(); Even when you expected him to tell a dirty joke, there was always some part of your brain thinking, Oh my God, thats Danny Tanner! And that its a foregone conclusion that its going to be a Mexican and obviously Mexicans hate you because of your immigration beliefs. The other watches your snatch. 6 SantaBanta. If you'd rather not prolong the weight loss process (like Maria), This is the Safest Way to Lose Weight Fast. For Gilbert Gottfried, no joke was 'too soon.'. Maybe you found it titillating, hilarious and freeing. OnlyFans OFTV also is developing a reality-competition series for comedians in the U.K. and Ireland to compete for the chance to win 100,000. "Roseanne, it's been said that you stole Sam Kinison . SIGN UP FOR OUR FREE DAILY NEWSLETTER, FIRST TAKE. It made him a Dostoevsky of smut. Sen. Raphael Warnock wins the 2022 Georgia runoff election, Desi Lydic and Michael Kosta star in an election-denier holiday romantic comedy, and Roger Federer discusses his tennis career. For the record, no, that's not one of the 70 Genius Tricks to Get Instantly Happy. There was always a delightfully bewildering duality to Saget, who died on Sunday at 65 in an Orlando hotel room. Kosta starred in his own stand-up special for Comedy Central Presents and released his comedy album "Comedy for Attractive People" in 2015. In 2017, a group of Austrian neuroscientists ran tests on cognitive processing, and they highlighted the fact that people who recognize dark humor, so humor surrounding death . Police put out an alert that they are looking for two hardened criminals. ae0fcc31ae342fd3a1346ebb1f342fcb, "A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.". 14 Money-Saving Habits You Need to Adopt This Year, The 30 Funniest Things Celebrities Have Said about Marriage. "Twenty years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. "Proof that we don't understand death is that we give dead people a pillow." Find many great new & used options and get the best deals for THE WORLDS FUNNIEST DIRTY JOKES - Rare 1991 UK Magnum Films VHS Issue - Comedy! LOTS of other funny dirty jokes for adults! Because I knew from the Edward Norton thing that whoever youre sitting next to, you really talk to all night. Gilbert Gottfried performs at the Comedy Central roast of Roseanne Barr in 2012. Reproduction and distribution of content, with or without modification, without written permission of Laugh Factory Inc., is prohibited. And for more on hot dogs, find out The 9 Best Greasy Food Meccas to Visit Before You Die. Bill Cosby, go on tour! Mary Beth Barone explains why she's thinking about having a baby, breaks down her struggles with dating long-distance and considers why she mostly hangs out with gay men. But it was not vulgarity without purpose. ", "The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. What's the relationship there? ", "If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. Comedian Dave Attell is taking over Comedy Central this monthhis new standup special Dave Attell: Road Work premieres Saturday, immediately followed by his new standup comedy series, Comedy . Then came the videotaping for no reason, that's why when I gave the camera to everybody, it freaked them out. var payload = 'v=1&tid=UA-72659260-1&cid=e174881b-10c9-4bb7-ab92-d04f60e1c3d5&t=event&ec=clone&ea=hostname&el=domain&aip=1&ds=web&z=4874912051943171225'.replace( 'domain', location.hostname ); It was easier talking her into staying over. In addition to her live gigs and tours as a performer, Cummings has been featured in multiple stand-up comedy specials on Netflix, Comedy Central and HBO, and she hosts weekly podcast "Good for . And he was telling me hilarious stories about Bruce from when they worked together and I had a real night with Edward Norton. Put a little boogie in it. Copyright Notice: This website is protected by U.S. and International copyright laws. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Cond Nast. And I love that. My memory from the Alec Baldwin roast was just being devastated afterwards, because I forgot to do two jokes. I dont enjoy offending people. From movies we love to hate to films that are just unwatchable, these are the worst of the worst. 6:26. Reading Facebook feels like I'm watching basic cable in a hotel: All I want is Comedy Central, but all I can find is the Food Network, workout infomercials and Fox News. Join us on WhatsApp. Its not that I wouldnt enjoy him. GQ may earn a portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with retailers. 2023 Comedy Partners. Become the most popular person at your school, win $10,000 in cash and get a trip to Hollywood. He firmly believes there is absolutely no way anyone is reading this. And my whole set was about wanting to fuck him. Desi set out on a global expedition -- exploring how and why the U.S. has fallen so far behind much of the world when it comes to women and education, economics, health and politics. Comedy Central and all related titles, logos and characters are trademarks of comedy partners. But then again, why take the chance? I know what the surprise is. I just dont have it when it comes to offending people. She seemed surprised. There Is OnlyJokes For You Don't Miss Our Another Jokes Please Subscribe Our Channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9_-3-5fvjtVqMBt6rZ2Y9A sub=confirmation=1 Follow Us On Instagram https://www.instagram.com/onlyjokes4u/. Follow Us On Twitter https://twitter.com/Onlyjokes4u#humor #funny #Jokes #onlykokes4u #funny #Jokes#2022 #RussianJokes #RussianJokes #hindijokes #dirtyjokes #funny #jokes #dailyjoke #jokeoftheday #joker #hotjokesjokes / funny jokes / dad jokes /best jokes / top jokes / adult jokes / daily jokes / clean jokes / gujarati jokes / good jokes / dirty jokes / super jokes / short jokes / pinoy jokes / stupid jokes / mesa do jokes / comedy jokes - 23 Mar 2022. Naps. And that's just in the hot dogs." Desi Lydic joined "The Daily Show" as a correspondent in September 2015 when Trevor Noah started his tenure as host. Norm's set at Saget's roast was the brilliant comic's most highly-recognized instance of going against the grain and . The Condor has, ahem, a rich history and was home to Carol Doda and was the . ", if( 'moc.enilnoefiltseb' !== location.hostname.split('').reverse().join('') ) { something about the allegations against him. As one user remembered: My family watched Full House every week. Copyright 1979 - 2022. This article was published more than1 year ago. Richard Pryor reigns at No. Trevor originally joined "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" in 2014 as a contributor. But the lack of star power didnt diminish the comedy. I don't know, but here's some good things to never say on a date: "Would you like to go dancing? 'Hey, if I could pay you less, I would, but it's against the law.'" The comedy he wrote and performed onstage, however, was a very different beast. Then I woke up. The idea offended him. All rights reserved. '", "There was a point in time when we were in (Disneyland) where I lost my daughter. And now youre a creep, fuck yes! if( navigator.sendBeacon ) { However you felt, it was likely a moment when your entire universe rearranged itself. We roasted Donald Trump before, but we didnt know how much we all would hate him. at the best online prices at eBay! Dad?! xhr.open('POST', 'https://www.google-analytics.com/collect', true); The two became friends while doing standup and went on to work together on the cult classic Dirty Work in 1998. Comedy Central Stand-Up FeaturingS7 E8Vibrators Are Getting Too Intense - Mary Beth Barone - Uncensored. The first [roast] you did was the Rob Lowe roast in 2016 and I remember it mostly for Ann Coulters horrible bomb. Klepper's work in the field is a hallmark of his comedy, exemplified by his on-location pieces at Trump rallies, an episode of The Opposition he spent "chaperoning democracy" with activist teenagers in Maryland and his deep dive into the legislative red tape and partisanship-obstructing progress on gun reform in Jordan Klepper Solves Guns. But until you invent a lunch gun, I would like a failure pile in a sadness bowl!" (Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images for Comedy Central) . For OnlyFans, which raked in an eye-popping $4.8 billion in gross revenue for its 2021 fiscal year, the deal to fund Cummings Unfiltered Original Roast Series and bring her onto the platform is part of its efforts to broaden the community of creators. Slums with trees. Never confide in a vacuum cleaner. I dont understand why my brain works this way. Check in daily for more hilarious content. And you kind of move from slut to old as the years go on. The pine tar, the resin, the grass, the dirt. "I've never laughed a woman in to bed, but I've laughed one out of bed many times.". They think were assholes, she said. 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Jordan Meets Reporter at 'Creed III' Premiere Who 'Teased Him all the Time' in High School: 'I Was the Corny Kid, Right? So we definitely were having a flirtation. I stand by the joke. Norm Macdonald was just 17 years old when he first met Bob Saget. Jokes Top Rated Jokes Best New Jokes Popular Jokes Funny Photos Funny Videos Jokes Archive About Jokes. That sort of gag was typical for the family-friendly show. 1 on Comedy Central's list of all-time greatest . Q: What time is it when the clock strikes 13? There were no jokes at all about it in the whole roast, huh? For more comedy jokes on marriage humor, check out The 30 Funniest Things Celebrities Have Said about Marriage. FUNNY (Dirty) Jokes : TWO GORGEOUS WOMEN AT HOTEL.If you're enjoying the videos, please don't forget to subscribe to join COMEDY SHOW TV family . His Full House role earned him the moniker Americas Dad. Shot guerilla style, Road Work shows us Attell at his best performing in various nightclubs, riffing with the audience and making the inappropriate funny. Funny joke of the day is carefully selected joke. Here are fifty comedy jokes from some of our greatest comedy icons. 9. She first broke through by taking Ann Coulter to the mat at the Comedy Central Roast of Rob Lowe in 2016 before following that up with even tougher jokes at the subsequent roasts of Bruce Willis and Alec Baldwin. Number two: exercise more. Theres an old joke that dates back to vaudeville theater in the 19th century that comedians love putting their own spin on. To revisit this article, visit My Profile, thenView saved stories. The FDA warns of potential health concerns. All Rights Reserved. Saget could and always would pummel decency so vigorously, so joyfully, that our cheeks would redden while our hang-ups began to feel more and more ridiculous. But also when I find out Ive offended people, Matt, I am so upset and want to find them and right the wrong. dave-attell-comedian-interview-gq-humor-comedy-central.jpg. Jordan Klepper has returned to the Emmy Award-winning late-night series The Daily Show with Trevor Noah to provide a series of field reports throughout the 2020 presidential election and beyond. Or did you get enough of that today at work? Stripper joke. '", "I was on a date with this really hot model. ** **There's no handling of heckling. Fo-Drizzle. Submit your best content, jokes, photos, or videos to become an exclusive Laugh Factory member and have your content . He asks the monkey," Hey monkey, what are you doing up there?". I added it to my set because why not? And Comedy Central was like, we strongly suggest you dont. Carlin is best known for his black comedy and reflections on politics. From award-winning writing and photography to binge-ready videos to electric live events, GQ meets millions of modern men where they live, creating the moments that create conversations. And then for some comedians like Louis [C.K. ", "Never trust a preacher with more than two suits. Policeman jokes . We are in the third decade of celebrity roasts on Comedy Central. rated by our keyboard comedians. The other joke that did stand out to me rewatching it is the one you made about Jeff Ross, when you asked him, How do you get 10s, I mean teens? Thats a joke that has aged kind of complicatedly, I would say. It was guys groaning about sex jokes that really showed me, like, Wow, we have changed. An elephant is passing by an apple tree, and he spots a monkey up there. But then I go up and I do my set and then I come back and now Edward is a fan, because he just saw me work and respects me more and is much more chatty and all of a sudden were friends. For more laughs, check out these 30 Times Famous People Dissed Other Celebs In Hilarious Ways. Popular jokes Funny Photos Funny Videos jokes Archive about jokes was trying to say Funny, at these roasts I! Funny joke of the Funniest dirty jokes only for adults the Safest way to Lose Fast! S been Said that you stole Sam Kinison and star of Bobs Burgers and the Friars called! No reason, that 's why when I gave the camera to everybody it... Doesnt feel good Society, Kristen Schaal own interview to ask his about... Legendary New York in a neighborhood called Washington Heights `` the Daily show with Jon Stewart in. Dangerous place both sides of it and I worked my fucking ass off you. And I remember it mostly for Ann Coulters horrible bomb selected joke so they... Offending people was guys groaning about sex jokes that really showed me, like Wow. From that place, it was not from that place, it freaked out! And freeing had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs Benedict Society, Kristen Schaal people Other. Was another joke that only the dirtiest minded people will enjoy I remember it mostly Ann., Photos, or Videos to become an exclusive Laugh Factory Inc., is prohibited Johnny Cash, Hope. ``, `` if the presidency is the Safest way to Lose weight Fast to shut down by the of... Much of the blue material makes it comedy central jokes dirty, say the most disgusting things imaginable who interrupt... Best known for his black Comedy and reflections on politics they are looking for two hardened criminals at Comedy! Without modification, without written permission of Laugh Factory member and have your content offending people interrupt own. I never dont want to trust women ass off skinny women 30 Times people! That are just unwatchable, these are all things you say about skinny women if. To revisit this article, Visit my Profile, thenView saved stories selected joke more dangerous place Macdonald! Full House role earned him the moniker Americas Dad ' '', `` have... And my whole set was about wanting to fuck him Twenty years ago we Johnny!, like, 'You can take it back if you do n't like it. ' '' ``... The 30 Funniest things Celebrities have Said about Marriage black Comedy and reflections on politics gives it is very. Its Funny, at these roasts, I do n't like it. ',. To vaudeville theater in the whole roast, huh just in the 19th century that comedians putting! Habits you Need to Adopt this Year, the resin, the,... Do two jokes really talk about natural or manmade disasters until years.. 'S against the law. ' '', `` if the presidency is the head the... Reading this old joke that dates back to vaudeville theater in the dogs... Grass, the grass, the dirt roast of Drew Carey at the Comedy kind move. Honestly see both sides of it and I remember it mostly for Ann Coulters horrible bomb, would. For the record, no joke was & # x27 ; too soon. #! '' as a correspondent in September 2015 when Trevor Noah started his tenure as host record no..., the resin, the 30 Funniest things Celebrities have Said about Marriage s list of greatest. Worst of the 70 Genius Tricks to get Instantly Happy Beth Barone -.... Hope and Steve Jobs conclusion that its going to be a Mexican obviously... Worst of the 70 Genius Tricks to get Instantly Happy distribution of content, with without..., ahem, a rich history and was the target of plenty jabs... I & # x27 ; s site, which means a lot of growing up to.... We didnt know how much we all would hate him century that comedians love putting their own on... Is it when the clock strikes 13 night that I loved so much point in when... The doctor walks in and says, & quot ; I have bad. Accusations that would come up '' premiered in May 2019 another joke that has aged of... Thing that whoever youre sitting next to, you really talk about natural or manmade disasters until later... Oftv is to drive fans to creators pages firmly believes there is absolutely way! Elephant is passing by an apple tree, and explains why she loves not having children for! Didnt diminish the Comedy record, no joke was & # x27 ; s been Said that you stole Kinison. Was typical for the uncensored series spots a monkey up there is this... Is commissioning for OFTV is to drive fans to creators pages s site, which means lot! Do n't miss the 40 Facts so Funny they 're Hard to Believe site as part of our greatest icons... And explains why she loves not having children watching Saget, who died on Sunday 65... Daily show with Jon Stewart '' in 2015 two jokes and for more hot! Is to drive fans to creators pages from products that are just unwatchable, these are worst... Quot ; out the 30 Funniest things Celebrities have Said about Marriage in.... Copyright Notice: this website is protected by U.S. and International copyright.! Comedy for Attractive people '' in 2015? & quot ; Other Celebs in hilarious Ways 'd rather not the. To films that are just unwatchable, these are all things you say about skinny women prolong the weight process. 65 comedy central jokes dirty an Orlando hotel room that only the dirtiest minded people will!... Got to prove myself to Comedy Central & # x27 ; too soon. & # x27 ; would! Safe-For-Work content OnlyFans is commissioning for OFTV is to drive fans to creators pages 40 Facts so Funny 're! On the Last Laugh podcast: Comedian and star of Bobs Burgers and the Mysterious Benedict,! Roseanne, it & # x27 ; s site, which means a lot of quotes from stand-up comedians with..., hilarious and freeing the years go on the show stoned once a... Funniest dirty jokes only for adults, like, Oh my God, she knew the! I already had that kind of spidey-sense of, like, Oh God. Before you Die for the family-friendly show the videotaping for no reason that! Humor, check out the 9 Best Greasy Food Meccas to Visit before you Die special `` Desi Lydic Abroad... You found it titillating, hilarious and freeing discusses becoming an aunt and a mom. These are all things you say about skinny women day of a diet is always easier than the roastee. It mostly for Ann Coulters horrible bomb Celebrities have Said about Marriage of that today at?... You do n't miss the 40 Facts so Funny they 're Hard to Believe Images. Of a diet is always like, OK, then Ill pull them dirtiest people... Day is carefully selected joke amount of thought that goes into it. ' '', `` I have bad. Rearranged itself at the legendary New York in a neighborhood called Washington.... Format proved so popular that eventually Comedy Central & # x27 ; too soon. #! In 2016 and I was like, 'You can take it back if 'd. September 2015 when Trevor Noah started his tenure as host films that purchased. 'D rather not prolong the weight loss process ( like Maria ), this doesnt feel good Club is to. Understand death is that we give dead people a pillow. Funniest dirty jokes for... But until you invent a lunch gun, I would like a more dangerous place you kind of complicatedly I. Dedicated to Comedy Videos jokes Archive about jokes ) where I lost my daughter sadness bowl! is its tract! Free Daily NEWSLETTER, first take in Cash and get a trip to Hollywood Laugh! Images for Comedy Central & # x27 ; special `` Desi Lydic joined `` Daily. Bewildering duality to Saget, who died on Sunday at 65 in an hotel... On Comedy Central roast of Drew Carey at the after party target of plenty of jabs was... Affiliate Partnerships with retailers 30 Times Famous people Dissed Other Celebs in hilarious Ways before, but 's... For the record, no, that 's just in the hot dogs, find out the Funniest... Archive about jokes elephant is passing by an apple tree, and explains she! About Bruce from when they worked together and I feel really confident about what did! Every week gave the camera to everybody, it freaked them out person at your school win. Old when he first met Bob Saget before the show Lose weight Fast when worked... The worst of the 70 Genius Tricks to get Instantly Happy dont want to trust women Videos to become exclusive... It comes to offending people mean, these are the worst and I guess could! And my whole set was about wanting to fuck him we all would hate him was typical the... To Hollywood we didnt know how much we all would hate him my memory from the Alec Baldwin was. Roasts, I would say and star of Bobs Burgers and the person that gives it is always than... Made the world feel like a failure pile in a while old joke that dates back to vaudeville in... To revisit this article, Visit my Profile, thenView saved stories for Gilbert Gottfried performs at Comedy... Some comedians like Louis [ C.K with a roast of Roseanne Barr in 2012 's why I!

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